


I Can't Help But Think of You

by Whoaghi



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, My First Fanwork, Realization, Sort Of, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-15 11:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18073007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoaghi/pseuds/Whoaghi
Summary: In an alternate universe where Rem doesn't fall victim to Gluttony's authority, Subaru never loses her to her unfortunate fate therefore the two of them still work together.But recently Subaru feels more uneasy around her, his heart throbs every time he sees her smile, laugh, and... and...he can't stop thinking about her.The trouble is, is that he doesn't know how to face her after he rejected her in the capital.





	I Can't Help But Think of You

He can't sleep. 

He's mad. 

He's frustrated.

Natsuki Subaru doesn't know how to feel at the moment. 

Three months ago Subaru went through the most agonizing and hellish trial that he has ever been through. Countless loops all ending in the his own death and the deaths of his friends and others he has grown to care about over time. Emilia, Ram, the people and the kids of the Arlam village, and Puck to an extent. But the one person who seemed to go through almost as much suffering as him was Rem. 

Rem, Subaru wasn't that dumb. He knew that she had a growing attraction to him ever since the Ma-beast incident when he risked his life to save her from herself in that accursed forest that day. He held her as she cried in his arms after he talked to her about looking towards the future instead of dwelling on the past. After that he noticed how she wanted to be around him a lot, it was a given that they work together in the same building but he noticed that she was doing it on purpose. It really showed when the two of them made mayo together and with the mayo in the bath incident. He still shivers at the memory. 

What he didn't know was that she was full blown in love with him. 

Throughout the past loops he heard those words, he thinks back to the memory in the cave where the witch cult were hiding. When she died in his arms. 

"I love you."

It haunts him. It haunts him every time he thinks about it. She would die for him, several times she risked her life to save him, every single time it ended the same way, she died. Besides being literally torn and shattered by that piece of shit Archbishop, the worst he ever had to witness is when she threw herself at the white whale and was wiped from existence. It scares him that such power of that caliber is possible in this world, no one could remember her but him, he couldn't even convince Ram, HER OWN TWIN SISTER that she existed. 

That damn phrase. 

"Who's Rem?" 

It drove him completely mad. And it did. After she was wiped from existence and he tried to tell Emilia the truth of his forsaken ability, killing her, Puck freezing over everything, it was his own Hell. 

After that he completely broke, his own will to continue was shattered. Why would he need to try to continue going in a life that was always doomed no matter what you would do? He knew that he couldn't die, he couldn't kill himself it would only solve nothing. 

So he wanted to run away instead. Pack up everything, which was nothing, and just run away and leave the country, leaving everyone to die there unfortunate fates. Looking back on it now as he lays in bed trying to sleep he felt like an idiot for wanting to leave everything and start over, but if he were to talk to himself at the time it would probably be more understandable. 

He remembers on top of some building in the capital after the loop that broke his final straw he broke down in front of her, Rem watched as the man she loved admitted to all of his faults, his arrogance and stubbornness, how stupid he felt, everything.

Even when he was at his absolute weakest, bawling his eyes out, shaking, screaming, she stood there with small smile on her face. She told him everything she loved about him, his eyes, honesty, how soft and gentle he really was. 

Even when he told her how he felt, when he told her that he loved another woman and not her, she stood by him and kept going to make him feel better. After more emotional exchanges between the both of them she said he can start a new. 

He can start right here from zero. His realization of her words inspired him to keep going with her by his side. 

After the intense battle against the White Whale he made a promise to her. The promise was too look towards the future together, he was fanatical like a demon he told her. She cried happily and rejoiced in his arms as they held each other as the sun rose in the aftermath of the battle. 

Now here we are. 

It was night time at the mansion and Natsuki Subaru was laying in bed. The past events that took place a few weeks ago keep playing over and over in his head, especially his interactions with Rem. 

A drip of sweat formed at the tip of his brow as laid on the soft pillow of his bed. He shifted back in forth between positions to try and sleep the stress off but he couldn't. 

"Why, why is it bothering me so much?" He muttered to himself. "I can't stop thinking about her, every time I try to think of something else or someone else like Emilia my mind just drifts back to her." 

He thought back to her sweet smile she gave him when he returned to the mansion after getting healed after his battle with the witch cult. 

She ran to him and he picked her up and hugged her in front of everyone, everybody watched with a smile. Emilia, Beatrice, and even a suprised look from Ram, she looked like she wanted to step in between the two of them but didn't. 

Subaru looks towards the ceiling with tired eyes. 

"She's beautiful, loving, caring, passionate, she loves me with all her heart." He felt his face getting hot and his heart is throbbing through his chest. "UGH!" He covers his face up to hide his blush even though everyone is in bed. 

"I'll just sleep this off, I need to sleep I have work tomorrow." 

He turned his face on his pillow, arms under it, and let the darkness sleep.

_______________

The sun rises a new day at the mansion. 

Subaru slowly opens his eyes to the window where the sun glares through the curtains waking him up. 

He feels like he's being watched, it wasn't ominous or making him feel uncomfortable. It's Rem, it's Rem isn't it? 

He turns his head over to the other side of the bed to see her standing there with a small blush on her face. 

"O-Oh! Subaru-kun! Get up you'll be late for work! Nee-sama is cruel when impatient!" Subaru was going to say something or reply but she mad a small power walk put of his room and ran off. 

"Uh... okay then?..." 

It was all Subaru could muster 

_______________

Rem was walking fast through the halls of the mansion to reach her sister to start the work day. 

The blush on her face was burning though her skin, she put both of her hands to each of the two cheeks on her face and pouted. "Oh Subaru-kun looks so cute when he sleeps."

She didn't mean to look over him and stare at his sleeping face when she walked into his room to wake him up. She couldn't help herself. His soft sleeping face when he's relaxed and not running around working, he looked so gentle. Gosh did it make her heart flutter. 

That's why she froze when she walked in on him sleeping. Almost everytime she has an interaction with him, especially those with littlest physical contact her chest burns up on the inside again. 

She loved him so much. 

Even if that love will most probably never be returned the way she would like it to be. 

On that day in the capital when he told her that he loved Emilia instead of her it hurt. That pain in her chest she always had when she was with him hurt but it didn't hurt like the good way like it usually did. The pain in her chest made her sad. Is this what they called heartbreak? 

Even when he rejected her she still stood by his side to help him. 

She thought back to under the Flugel tree before the whale battle. She offered to be his second wife if he got with Emilia. She remembers how he tried his best to dodge that question and answer. 

Rem lets out a deep sigh. She shouldn't be sad. She should have saw this coming, Subaru-kun made his love for Emilia known to her. 

"Rem can't help but love you Subaru-kun." She muttered to herself. 

She couldn't let these thoughts dwell on her now she has to meet Nee-sama for the work schedule today! Let's hope Subaru-kun isn't late!

_______________

"Barusu your late." Ram scolded, "Even after all this time working here you've barely improved making it on time, disgusting." 

Subaru stood at the door way entrance to the meeting room panting as he ran across the mansion to make it on time. But no matter what Ram would scold him anyway. 

"Sorry Ram I tried to make it on time... b-but I didn't get that much sleep last night, too much was on my mind." 

"No sleep huh? Too much on your mind? By too much on your mind do you mean thinking of Emilia-sama in perverted ways perhaps? You're disgusting Balse, go die." 

"Very funny Ram, but that wasn't what I was thinking about." Subaru had grown used to Ram bullying him, he knew that she didn't hate him or dislike him, that much anyway. 

"Hmpf." Ram sounded. "Here are the work schedules today, Barusu, Rem, you two will be working together sweeping and dusting the dining hall until noon. After that Balse your with me with cutting the vegetables and Rem you'll be cutting the hedges out in the front." 

Rem smiled, "Alright Nee-sama! Come on Subaru-kun, let's get our work done!" Rem latched onto his arm, an obvious ploy to tease him. It was working. 

 

Subaru with a burning blush on his face looked towards Ram immediately with a scarred look on his face. She was looking straight at him with her usual plain face but she had one eyebrow raised. 

'Please help me.' Subaru pleaded in his mind as Rem used her Oni strength to forcefully pull him out of the room.

Ram turned towards the window and stared out to the front of the mansion, "Why fall for him of all people Rem?" She let out a sigh and started to get to work. 

_______________

It's been about 30 minutes of complete silence between the both of them. Rem and Subaru have been cleaning the dining room opposite sides of each other. 

Subaru feels like an asshole for purposely avoiding Rem at the moment. But those feelings he's been harboring on the inside just come back to stab him in his chest when he's in such close proximity with her. 

Rem was silent too. Recently she noticed Subaru-kun has been acting differently around her. She's now noticing that he's been purposely avoiding her it's making her really sad on the inside. 

A few more minutes passed and the dining room finally looked clean enough to stop. 

Subaru wiped his forehead after his "hard work" and let out a deep breath. 

"Subaru-kun." 

Subaru turned to see Rem walking slowly right towards him. 

"Yes Rem?" 

"Subaru-kun, Rem senses that something is wrong. Rem feels like you've been avoiding her. Is something wrong?" 

The poor girl looks hurt, Subaru can't handle it, he now feels absolutely terrible. "I'm not purposely avoiding you Rem, why would I ever do that too you? It's like what I said earlier today too much has been on mind lately, it's really nothing, I'll be okay trust me." He gave a smile to try and comfort her. 

He hates this, he hated how he just lied to her. He has been purposely avoiding her, trying to hide away his true feelings about her. 

Rem looked at him with a small smile forming on her face, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around him forming a hug. "Okay Subaru-kun, I believe you, I hope whatever is bothering you will go away soon and you'll feel better." 

'Subaru-kun smells good today.' She thought.

Now she's done it. He can't handle it, the way she says those words, how soft and caring she is, how she is hugging him so lovingly pleading for him to get better. 

His heart is going to fucking explode. 

'Goddammit Rem why are you fucking adorable...' His said in his mind. 

Or atleast he thought. 

Immediately he felt her let go of her arms that were binded around him at an alarming speed. He looked down at her to see that she was blushing madly and looking away from him. 

"Huh? Rem is something wrong? What happened?" 

"Subaru-kun... Subaru-kun... said Rem is adorable..." 

His body froze in place. "I said that outloud?" 

She silently nodded at him, her faced turned away and her hands covering the smile on her face. "Subaru-kun said Rem is adorable..." She repeated loudly enough for him to hear her clearly.

Rem was looking straight at him now. This is so awkward! 

"Umm... Uh.. would you look at the time now! It's time for me too cut veggies with your sister! Uh bye Rem!" Subaru turned around and made a mad dash down the hallway to find Ram. 

Rem stood in the dining room alone both hands on her chest now. "You're terrible Subaru-kun, leaving Rem all flustered like this..." She had the biggest smile on her face. 

_______________

He was now walking at a steady pace to find Ram, not only to finish his work for today, but to finally confront his feelings about Rem, but to first talk to her big sister first. 

As he walked down the hallway he ran into Emilia. 

Dammit. 

"Oh hi Subaru! I was just talking to Ram she told me that you said that you haven't been getting sleep and something was bothering you. So I was coming to check on you to see if you were okay." 

Here comes that blush again. These two girls aren't making it easy on him today! 

"Oh I'm fine Emilia-tan! It's nothing, no need to worry about me, I'm just on my way to meet with Ram to cut vegetables for dinner later." 

Emilia beamed. "Okay if you say so Subaru! Puck also told me if your feeling tired you should drink some water it helps you stay awake and gives you energy." 

"Alright Emilia-tan, I'll make sure to drink a lot of water!" Subaru winked at her and gave a thumbs up and started walking away. 

_______________

Subaru walked into the kitchen to find Ram already cutting vegetables for dinner. 

"Alright I'm here! Let's get this started." 

"Done with cleaning the dining room already? Or did you force my little sister to do it for you while you laid back and did nothing?" 

"Nope. We.. we did our work and the dining room is as clean as it could be!" 

"Hmpf. Alright, get a knife and start cutting the plants over there. Away from me." 

Subaru sighed, Ram seemed more relentless than usual today. Didn't bother him. In the 20 minutes of silence that followed, the only noises being made were the cuts and slices of the food that will be served later tonight. 

Ram breaks the silence. "So Balse, you and Rem seemed to be closer than usual, ever since you two came back from the capital the two of you have been getting closer, and int-i-mate." 

He already sensed the tension rising in the room. She really dragged out the last word of that sentence with some vinegar and slight hostility. 

"So tell me," she turned around to face him personally, "what happened between you and Rem at the capital? And don't try and dodge this one, I'm not like my little sister and the half elf and can tell if your lying. I saw how my sister was clinging onto you this morning, and how she hugged you when you came back from the capital." 

The boy sighed in defeat. He can no longer walk away from this one now.

"Ram remember this morning when I said I had too much on my mind last night and I couldn't sleep?" 

"Yes, perverted thoughts I assumed." 

"No I'm being serious, what I was thinking about was your sister." 

Ram's knife stabbed the cutting board, her eyes immediately turned hostile. "Thinking lewd thoughts of my little sister hmm? Do you want to die Balse? I have the knife in my hand, I won't hesitate." 

Subaru crouched backward in fear. "No Ram! That's not it at all! I would never think of Rem in such a way!" 

"Then why were thinking of my little sister in bed?" 

He gulped. "Back in the capital Rem confessed her love to me, everything. All the feelings she said she was harboring for me. How she sees me as her hero, how I saved her from herself. How I'm brave, soft, gentle." 

Ram sighed and sat down on the floor. "So she did it already..." She put her right hand over her face to cover up her frustration. 

"Ram?" 

"So she was in love with you, I should have saw this coming. I knew she had a sudden growing attraction to you after what happened that day in the forest with the Ma-beasts. For the past weeks that followed that incident the two of you were getting closer." 

She got up off the floor to face him directly. "Alright, so I can assume that the two of you are in some sort of relationship now? Is that why the two of you have been hugging each other all the time now? Have you two been hiding this from me" 

"No Ram were not in a relationship." 

The maid turned her head in confusion to his comment. 

Subaru closed his eyes and gripped his hands into fists. "We aren't in a relationship because I rejected her to her face and I told her I loved Emilia-" 

 

*𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗣*

 

The sting on his cheek stung with unbearable pain. "AGH!" 

"What is wrong with you?! Why would you do that?! Are you just trying to piss me off?!" Ram was steaming, her eyes were fierce slight tears flowing out of them. She was standing over Subaru who was sitting on the ground rubbing his left cheek. 

"I'm sorry!" 

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time! Why would you play my little sisters feelings like that!" 

"I didn't know what I was doing! I didn't know how to respond to her feelings correctly!" 

The girl groaned and pinched her nose in frustration, "So you tell her that you love another woman instead? Said woman being the one she is a servant to? I know you are dumb Balse, but I never anticipated this type of buffoonery from you." 

He breathed out to try and calm himself down. "Listen Ram, for the last few weeks ever since that day in the capital and after the battle with the White Whale my feelings have been messing with me. My feelings about Rem. I can't get my mind off her, I thought I was thinking that maybe it was because everything we did together when we were gone. 

But no, it was becoming more than that. I started feeling weird around her, my chest hurts and my heart throbs when she's in such in close proximity with me. Like this morning when she latched onto me in front of you I felt like I was going to burst. Even now, right before I came here less than an hour ago, she asked me if I was feeling okay and she hugged me and I said she was adorable outloud and I just left her there like an idiot!" 

"You love her." 

"What?" 

"Barusu listen, listen to what your saying, you love her and you don't even realize it." 

"I... I do don't I?" 

He thought about it, his love for Emilia felt more like friendship and loyalty, he will always love Emilia and he'll stand by her until the end, but he'll do it as a friend and as her knight. Rem has been there for him at his lowest and was the one who inspired him to keep going. She was the one who loved him of course.

Subaru covered his face with his hands to hide his now embarrassed face. "What's wrong with me?" He said aloud. 

"What do you plan to do Balse?" 

"Your okay with me being with your sister Ram?" 

"When I first noticed Rem was starting to take a liking to you, I was not in favor of the idea of you two being together at all. But within the last few weeks I was getting used to the idea and I saw how happy she was when she was with you. The last thing I want is to take my sister's happiness away from her." 

"So I basically have your blessing?" 

"Yes Barusu, you have my blessing to pursue and get with my sister." She walked up to him and grabbed him by his tie and looked up at him. "Rem is all I have left, please don't break her heart and destroy her. You will pay the price if you do so." 

The boy softly giggled. "So should I start calling you Ram Onee-sama?" 

"Please don't." 

_______________

The night had come and dinner has already passed.

As Subaru looks outside the window while walking down the halls of the mansion he watches the stars in the sky gleam and the moon shine through the window panes. 

He's standing in front of her door now. Rem's room is quite a distance from Ram's. Rem basically has her own hallway. 

He sucks in a deep breath. He silently mutters to himself alone, "Well... here goes nothing!" 

*Knock Knock Knock*

"Rem are you still awake? I need to talk to you about something." 

The door slowly opens to reveal rem in her light blue nightgown rubbing her eyes while she slightly yawned. 

"Subaru-kun what are you doing here so late? Rem was about to go to sleep." She let out another small yawn in front of him. She's so cute when she's sleepy! 

"I'm sorry Rem but there was just no other time to come talk to you about this." 

"About what Subaru-kun?"

"About how I feel about you."

Her heart skipped a beat. This could either be really good or really bad. Subaru-kun already rejected her once, she doesn't want him to remind her, she won't be able to hold back her emotions this time. 

She was getting tense already. "H-how you feel about m-me? What d-do you mean?" 

Rem heard Subaru take a really audible gulp and deep breath. She saw that determined look in his eyes and he now looked down at her. Here it comes. 

"Rem, I love you." 

.   
.  
.

'Huh?' She thought. 'What did he just say?' 

"What did you just say Subaru-kun?" Her eyes are wide open, her chest beating faster by the second. Did she hear the very words that she always wanted to hear? 

"I said I love you Rem."

"B-bu-but you said you loved Emilia-sama! Rem doesn't understand?!" She's breaking. She doesn't understand why now Subaru-kun loves her. 

Rem looked at him and saw how he formed a gentle smile towards her. That smile that always warmed her heart the very few times he does smile in front of her. 

"Rem, you know how I said that I've had a bunch of stuff on my mind lately? Well I've been thinking about you. Your always on my mind." 

"W-ha what?" 

"Ever since we came back from the capital I started feeling funny around you. Every time I think back when we were together and everything we went through together my heart starts to throb. Every time you came close to me either that was holding my arm or hugging me I felt like I was about to explode. 

Like when I called you adorable outloud today it was because I was losing control of my emotions and said that outloud. I try to think of other things but the problem is that. Is that my mind always drifts back to you. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about how you saved my from myself in the capital even when you didn't understand what I was going through. I couldn't stop thinking about how caring you are. I couldn't stop thinking about your laugh, your smile, you." 

"I love you Rem." 

Subaru watched as the girl in front of in was now in full blown tears. She wasn't sad, she had the smallest smile on her face that she was covering with her hands. 

"Re-Rem loves you so much Subaru-kun...." she spoke silently. 

The raven haired boy walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her into a hug. 

"I love you so much Rem." 

Her arms were now grasped around him holding tightly to his nightgown. 

He let go one of his left hand from her side and put it up to the side of her face. She leaned into the palm of his hand, her tears getting it slightly wet but he didn't mind. Her smile looking directly at him. The noises being heard are the small sniffles and their breaths. 

He lifted his left hand to part her hair to get a full view of her face. Her beautiful crystal eyes now in full view. The blue color now amplified by the moonlight coming in through her room window. 

He leaned in to her face and put there foreheads together. Both of their eyes closed as they smiled. Just like how they bonded after the White Whale banned. 

But he wanted to change one aspect of that moment. As Subaru opened his eyes and leaned out he leaned in, in a different direction. 

He lifted her chin to look straight at him. 

Rem knew what was about to happen. She didn't mind, not at all. 

The both of them leaned into each other's lips finally savoring each other's taste now. The kiss lasted for a good twenty seconds of pure silence. When the two of them let go they only stared into their eyes again. 

"Subaru-kun Rem feels like she's dreaming." She mused. 

"This isn't a dream Rem-rin, this is all real, I love you."

"Subaru-kun please stay with Rem tonight, Rem wants to feel your warmth right beside her tonight." 

Subaru's face bursted into pure red. "R-Rem are you asking me to sleep with you!?" 

"Yes. Stop being perverted Subaru-kun." She giggled.

"Alright if you say so." 

She got ahold of his hand and guided him to her bed. As they got comfortable she snuggled right into his chest never wanting to let go. 

As he put his arm around her to pull her closer Subaru thought about something. 

When he came to this world he fell in love with Emilia because of how caring and nice she was. Now he's snuggling with different girl that now stole his heart completely for more of the same reasons he fell in love with Emilia. 

He smiled of how things can change like that.


End file.
